Death Discussions: Part One of an Ongoing Series

Happy times with Mr. Ed, Farm Sanctuary, Acton, California

January was a challenging month. So many friends died. I almost typed "departed" or "passed away," but I have been trying to not mince words when it comes to death. Our language around death obfuscates, sometimes designed to stave off or mollify the grief we experience or witness others experiencing without actually engaging it.

I reference and reread the below linked article from Elephant Journal writer Ed Preston frequently, because it is a reminder of how important our words in relation to death are, how they can shut down or cultivate connection.

Via Elephant Journal: "Why We Need to Stop Saying, "I'm Sorry For Your Loss"

Preston discusses the language of "loss" in particular, and shares why that concept may not invoke the empathetic connection actually needed. I catch myself typing or saying "I'm sorry for your loss" in many instances, fumbling when I remind myself to engage versus this response ingrained in us, but that fumble reminds me to be present to the suffering the individual may be experiencing. 

It is a presence of mind I have to practice with my own grief as well. I currently have several blog posts in the works to celebrate the lives and mourn the deaths of some of these friends, but my brain is not allowing me to finish them. Earlier in January Mr. Ed, the magnificent Brahman bull with whom I spent many years, was euthanized when his physical pain could no longer be managed. His death did not feel real until just yesterday when Farm Sanctuary finally released a tribute video to him.

In what felt like quick succession, and actually starting on December 30th when part of my Maryland pack, Jesse dog, died, death came to Mr. Ed bull at Farm Sanctuary, Lucia goat of Catskill Animal Sanctuary, Jake goat of New Moon Farm Goat Rescue & Sanctuary, Ogie steer and Vanna goat at Indraloka Animal Sanctuary. There are beautiful tributes to these individuals linked with their name, followed below by portraits I am privileged to have created of these magnificent people. Sharing these portraits helps me process my grief due to the absence of some rather amazing individuals.

I am sure there are more individuals about whose death I have yet to learn just from this last month. However, as I will continue to discuss throughout the life of this project and blog, death is a natural and inevitable, and often frequent, companion in the sanctuary world. It will bring suffering in its wake, but also, with dedicated work and thoughtful support, healing and deeper relationships with the beings around us, even after death.

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. In the meantime, may our dead friends be remembered and our suffering be acknowledged, and may so much joy find you, not despite death, but because it reminds us how beautiful life is.

Jesse, Brewing Good Coffee Company, Odenton, Maryland

Lucia, Catskill Animal Sanctuary, Saugerties, New York

Jake, New Moon Farm Goat Rescue & Sanctuary, Arlington, Washington

Ogie, Indraloka Animal Sanctuary, Mehoopany, Pennsylvania

Vanna goat with her partner in crime Maddie in the rear, Indraloka Animal Sanctuary, Mehoopany, Pennsylvania

Beatific Emma: From Broken Beef Calf to Blessed Bovine

Emma, Farm Sanctuary, Orland, California

One of the highlights of early 2015 was this beauteous young lady who came into my life while road-tripping on a separate Farm Sanctuary-related quest spearheaded by my besty Alicia. Half way home from Vegas, the call about a calf in need arrived, propelling us to drive into the late hours. We stumbled into a hotel room, slept (maybe), then drove to the rural vet where Emma was supposed to be cared for overnight before we took her to UC Davis. That vet is not high in my estimation to put it mildly, having left her outside in a cold lean-to with barely enough straw for warmth and no pain meds. Alicia and I miraculously kept our tongues in check, got Emma pain meds, and got her loaded for the trek across Utah, Nevada, and into California for proper vet care.

Emma ready for travel

I became instantly obsessed with this big-eyed girl, and wrung my hands a fair bit while we waited for positive word about her condition. Receiving that word brought a relief to my whole body and tears to my eyes. Though at that point she wasn't out of the woods totally, she had a fighting chance, and a beatific presence conveyed through those large eyes.

Tongue acrobatics not hampered by the pain in her leg

More than a year later, after trekking from New York to Florida to Pennsylvania and then flying back to California, I got to see Emma again, thriving at Orland. This young lady has endured months of hospitalization, surgeries, humans fretting, and yet she still carries serenity in her eyes and her being. She is such a magical friend I feel so blessed to know.

Yoga Animalia: Bovine - Emma

Farm Sanctuary, Orland, California

Emma was found on the side of the road in rural Utah. Her mother was standing protectively by her, and the concerned human who saw them in the same place a second time realized something was wrong. Emma had likely been hit by a car and was unable to walk. The woman contacted the rancher who owned the herd, but his solution was to shoot her. The woman got him to release Emma to her, but sadly could not get her mother. She contacted Farm Sanctuary who raced up to take the calf immediately to UC Davis. There life-saving vet care was provided to Emma, and it was determined her leg was infected and would need to be amputated. After many surgeries, much waiting, and many months, Emma is starting to settle into her three-legged life of love and devotion at Farm Sanctuary's NorCal shelter.

How Best Friends Can Heal Your Wounds: Levi & Romy

Levi & Romy, friends for life, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

Levi and Romy were two of the first Farm Sanctuary New York residents I had the pleasure of meeting. The pair were sharing a stall in the Melrose Small Animal Hospital which also serves as the nexus of shelter activity. They had just come in separately not long before (their individual rescue stories are below), and though Romy had taken no time at all to bond with humans due to his long convalescence, Levi was still terrified. Romy would come bounding toward me when I entered their area, but Levi hung back; Romy would head butt, hoof, climb, and in other ways let you know of his need and demand for attention, while Levi seemed content to let his friend deal with us bipeds.

Levi & Romy playing with the Postal Peeps in their stall in the Melrose Small Animal Hospital, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

Romy & Levi, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

A highlight of my Watkins Glen time was the first time Levi came up to me and started to hoof at my leg - a demand for attention that some of you might be accustomed to receiving from friendlier sheep and goats. Such a dramatic difference from when I first arrived and he would flee in terror. Whether it is a sign of his growing acceptance that the humans around him now are there to help him, or whether he just had a particular nasty itch he couldn't reach and I was a convenient scratcher, this gesture made me giddy. Perhaps it is a testament to the power of friends that Levi slowly started to not only allow people close, but eventually to demand attention himself. Maybe he saw the interaction that Romy had with us and this spurred his healing, and maybe Levi just needed more time to acclimate. 

Levi, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

Levi is now a bona fide friend to the humans, perhaps inspired by his best friend Romy. Watching the transformation from scared new rescue to loving Farm Sanctuary resident brought me so much joy, and now Levi and Romy get to live out their lives at the newest Farm Sanctuary site: Jon & Tracey Stewarts' Bufflehead Farms in New Jersey. Click here for a ridiculous cuteness overload video of their arrival. When the newest location is open, Romy, Levi, and their new herd will greet humans with the love and joy they have received, and maybe even inspire healing through friendship for visitors.

Levi, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

Yoga Animalia: Caprine - Levi

Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

Levi was found, scared and emaciated, in Brooklyn. It is suspected that he somehow escaped a live market, as his Kentucky tags marked “meat” indicate he was transported in to the city. How he escaped is unknown and miraculous, as this boy has issues with his back that cause problems with his movement and he may possibly be a fainting goat. However he escaped, Levi found his way into the safety of Farm Sanctuary where his terror has started to abate, and he will receive a loving community to help him come out of his shell.

Levi, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

Romy, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

Yoga Animalia: Ovine - Romy

Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

Romy arrived at Farm Sanctuary from a small permaculture farm that raises sheep for meat. He was left in the cold night after born, and, when found the next day, the effort and expense to heal the lamb outweighed his worth to them. Farm Sanctuary was able to get him the veterinary care he needed - several months worth of hospital trips and intensive antibiotic treatments. During that time Romy only had humans as companions, and to this day adores hanging out with people. This sickly lamb has become a loving and happy sheep, lavishing attention on his human and goat friends.

Romy, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

The Remarkable Moxie of Old Lady Goats

Molly & Maria - two peas from very different pods, Farm Sanctuary's Animal Acres, Acton, California

moxie, noun

1. vigor; verve; pep.

2. courage and aggressiveness; nerve.

I created the above image pair the other day because I missed my Acton crew. I had found a batch of photos from my last few visits to my former home-away-from-home (Farm Sanctuary's Animal Acres) that I had set aside for later perusal and found the delightful image of Maria; I love how it mirrors the photo of my beloved departed Molly.

I worked with both old lady goats for five years - Maria is the kindly, grandmotherly type that will bake you cookies (not really, but she will gladly eat any vegan cookies you make!), and Molly fell more on the cranky spinster side. Maria helped Elle, both rescued from the same backyard butcher case, raise Cocoa and Nilla who were born to Elle at the sanctuary; we sometimes speculated that Maria could be their actual grand-doe. Molly on the other hand only put up with a baby Prince because she was so savvy she realized baby goat = treat payday. Maria is one of the greeter goats at Acton. Molly's greeting was a contemplative cud chewing with her back to you and her gaze yonder up the hill. Maria got pushed around by the other goats; Molly did the pushing.

Thinking about these old lady goats got me remembering some of the others I have met on this journey, and I am excited to introduce you to them. But first, a close-up of Maria's perfect, beautiful, old lady goat eye:

Maria - about those cookies..., Farm Sanctuary's Animal Acres, Acton, California

When I visited Animal Place I met Charlene and Laura - two old lady goats who have had the rare blessing of growing old together. This loving couple arrived from separate neglect and abuse cases in 2004 and bonded with each other at the sanctuary - twelve years of love! Watching them nuzzle, Charlene intently snuffling Laura's coat while Laura regally stood ruminating, it was clear how much these two ladies care for each other. All of the many times I visited Animal Place and I never once got a Charlene nor a Laura snuggle because these girls were too busy snuggling each other!

Charlene & Laura - excuse us human, we are busy, Animal Place, Grass Valley, California

I spent at least a third of my photographing time whilst at Green Acres Farm Sanctuary trooping around the goat pasture, ostensibly capturing portraits of the gaggle of goat friends, but really just following Fauna. In several ways she reminded me strongly of Molly, who had passed just two months prior, but Fauna is uniquely her own independent spirit. I hung out with her and crawled about, capturing her portrait (a challenge since she is a pygmy goat and not that high off the ground), and hoping for a modicum of attention from this wee old lady. I managed to snap a lot of photos of her eating, which she did intently, seemingly ignoring the movements of the rest of the goat herd, content to let me trail after her and make ridiculous gushy noises of endearment, while we forged our own path into the acres of green grasses. At some point her belly filled and Fauna then deigned to let me snuggle her and capture her radiance in proper portraits.

Fauna - ready for that close-up, Green Acres Farm Sanctuary, Silverton, Oregon

Fauna - the grass was greener until the goats got it, Green Acres Farm Sanctuary, Silverton, Oregon

Curly Sue wasted no time in making sure I knew she was the most important caprine to be photographed. I have quite a few close-up and much-too close-up photos of this gregarious old lady of Sanctuary One. Vying for greeter title with the brothers Freddy and Friday, Curly Sue has them beat however in my book due to the ineffable charm that comes to the refined and experienced goat gal. I also just learned that Curly Sue has since my visit been adopted into a loving home with a private individual who was owned by a lonely old goat girl, and so now Curly Sue has a sister-in-crime with which to live out her twilight years.

Curly Sue - coming in for the extreme close-up, Sanctuary One, Jacksonville, Oregon

Curly Sue - posing for her good side, Sanctuary One, Jacksonville, Oregon

These elder caprine beauties are powerhouses of personality, charm, and attitude, from the elegant to the intense to the aloof. Moxie - these old lady goats rock it.

Molly - the old lady goat that started it all for me, Farm Sanctuary's Animal Acres, Acton, California

Sonny: Steered by No One

Sonny, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

Stubborn. That was the introductory adjective I was given for Sonny. He proved it accurate several times during my stay in Watkins Glen. If he did not want to move, did not want to go through the chute to get his fly prevention, did not want to leave the barn, then Sonny did not do those things, not the easy way at any rate. It was rather comical that this survivor of the dairy industry, beloved friend of my friend and National Shelter Director Susie Coston, was so obstinate with everyone. It is obvious that Sonny adores Susie, and she can sometimes get him to behave. This is the beauty of sanctuary life: Sonny gets to be Sonny, a character that inspires and confounds with his bovine tenacity.

Sonny and Susie, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

Yoga Animalia: Bovine - Sonny

Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York

At one day old, found motionless in a filthy stockyard pen with a torn off umbilical cord, Sonny would have ended up as yet another dairy discard. Too sick and weak, Sonny would have been dumped on the stockyard dead pile, but investigating Farm Sanctuary staff took him immediately to Cornell for treatment. Sonny’s rescue story can be seen in the documentary Ghosts in the Machine, and now that he is safe and thriving, his star status has given him something of an ego – this boy can be stubborn when he wants his own way.

Sonny, Farm Sanctuary, Watkins Glen, New York